On False Starts and The Muppets

March 08th, 2014 | Leave a comment | Food, Life, TV
On False Starts and The Muppets

OK, OK, so maybe The Whiner wasn’t quite ready to start blogging again last summer.

Shit happens, especially to someone as shit-prone as The Whiner.

At any rate, he’s ready to make another attempt at regular whines (please, hold your applause and don’t bother throwing things, he’s behind one of those cages that the Blues Brothers used when they performed at dives).

On to business…..

The over-commercialization of the Muppets has been sort of a sad thing to watch over the years – although totally understandable, since there’s so much money out there for iconic performers and characters ready to sell their souls.

There comes a time, though, when things just go too far. This abomination assailed The Whiner’s senses last night:

Now,The Whiner has been drinking Lipton Tea for decades. The Whiner will also freely admit that just about anything with Animal in it makes him laugh. And it’s nice to see Animal finally get a starring role in something.

But it’s hard to believe that Jim Henson isn’t very, very sad over this misuse of his genius.

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How many calories in popcorn? Don’t ask Orville…

May 18th, 2011 | Leave a comment | Food
How many calories in popcorn? Don’t ask Orville…

So I bought a box of microwave popcorn – it has three envelopes inside.

I wanted to know how many calories, how much fat, how many carbs were in one envelope. So, I looked at the side of the box.

Big mistake.

Serving size: 3 Tbsp (37g) unpopped (makes about 7.5 cups popped)
Servings per Bag: about 2

Amount Per Serving:
3 Tbsp unpopped — Calories: 120
1 cup popped — Calories: 15
…and so on.

First: why the F do we need to know how many calories are in 3 tablespoons of unpopped popcorn? No one is going to eat it before it pops.

Second: If I understand correctly, if there are two servings in a bag, this means there are 15 cups of popped popcorn in a bag when you take it out of the microwave?

Um…..sorry. Don’t think so. Not even close. It wasn’t even ten cups.

So. I ate a bag of popcorn. And apparently I’ll never know how many calories were in that bag – less than 150 (10 cups x 15 calories)? About 225 (About 7.5 cups x 2 servings x 15 calories)? 240? (120 calories per 3 Tbsp x 2 servings)?

Hey, Orville. Maybe you’re going by some bizarre federal guidelines in putting the “Nutrition Facts” on the side of the box.

But would it be too much to ask, for you to just put another line of text on there, telling us how many calories are in a popped bag of popcorn — you know, the way people really eat it?

Thanks so much.

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The Whiner is finally going public, after decades of annoying, aggravating and trying the patience of friends and family. The Whiner’s background is in media, business and the internet, so his Whines often focus on stupid or incomprehensible events in those areas. However, they also focus on the incredible incompetence and obliviousness he encounters in his everyday life.

You may encounter the same level of daily frustration as the Whiner does. However, he doubts it.

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